He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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