last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
