I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
