Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
