i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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