I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
