i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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