How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
