You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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