i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
