that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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