yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
