dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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