he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
