Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
