Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
