I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
