This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
