I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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