dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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