my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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