We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
