I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
