I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
