i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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