States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
