I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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