Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
