Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
