hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
