it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
