Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
