I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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