everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
why is half of my head shaved?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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