Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
