I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
