Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
