so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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