i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
