just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So apparently I’m into choking now
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