Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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