I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
