do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The adults are the big ones right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
