please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
