I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
