2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
