I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
