my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
