i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
