My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
