the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
