I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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