dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
