dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
