she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
